..silence..

I'm at work, busy doing some resolutions for clients.. while listening to the radio..
Then a song, suddenly played on the radio...the song is the english version for "basta't kasama kita" ...

Ganun ba talaga? Even if the message isn't completely the same as how you are feeling, pakiramdam mo, the song totally relates to you..

And then it makes you cry... memories just come pouring in..

And then all there is --- silence.

cinta

"It is always painful to know that someone is irrevocably gone, and all that's left are memories of beautiful days gone by...

Sometimes it boggles my mind why people fall in love, then they say goodbye.. why they cannot belong forever when at first, the can never seem to part.. "

.. and sometimes, why does one's heart, keeps loving someone, even if, everything between you is gone...

TATTOO by Jordin Sparks

Oh, oh, oh

No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free

To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

[Chorus]
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you, I'll always have you)

I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could

Stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind

[Chorus]

(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you)

[Bridge]
If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do

[Chorus x2]

Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you

Ariba Models' Pictorial

JPMC Teambuilding - Amazing Race 12-01-07

FYI: My team, with Paul and Jovie, won.. hehe.. ;p

no more pix???

hey, it's rare for me not to be showing pictures on this blog.. tsktsk...

lately kasi, I'm more of making this blog of mine, a diary... kasi, nilalabas ko lahat ang saloobin ko rito, feeling ko kasi, this is one person, na pwede ko lang pagbuhusan ng nararamdaman ko, naiisip ko...nang hindi sya ngcocomment, hindi nagrereact, hehe..

and sometimes I need that..but just SOMETIMES...

di bale mgpopost na po ako pag my time.. :D

I'm missing someone...

... and that's you kapatid... :)

Jan 27 - day off

Yesterday, Mona (as in Ramonalyn) and I, went to attend our TL Arnel's bunso's christening.. held at Balintawak Church. Kate's barely two months old, and quite a big baby.. and really cute.. taken from her parent's of course.. :)

***Jay, has fooled us again, he agreed the night before to come along with us, and guess what, he'll inform us by 10am, that he went to fetch his dad from the airport!!! And so, he can't come... hoy jay, dapat kagabi mo pa sinabi, labo!!!!

Anyway, during the reception, we really made "lamon", and forgot our strict diets.. and so the twice a week gym exercises, became useless - as again! huh?!?

After that, we met up with Mona (as in Monalisa, my friend) in Trinoma and off we went to shopping! Actually, it was just me that bought stuffs.. hehe.

I'm back to dayshift, and so I had to have formal clothes again. Tsktsk. I bought 2 pair of shoes, 2 formal skirts, 1 formal dress, 4 tops.. not quite much, huh? ;p

And yeah, shopping has served as my therapy, when I'm depressed. So rather than locking in my room, cuddling in my bed, crying by and by... I'd rather ---spend!!!

<--- but the next worry then would go to credit card bills!! haha..

Anyway, I had fun yesterday, I was with two Mona's in my life, officemate and friend, hehe.. It's a good thing they were able to enjoy each other's company as well..

Everytime I call on one of them as "Mona!" both looks at me, hehe.. Next time, I'll call them with their full names - Ramonalyn and Monalisa.. :p

Now folks, at 6am, I was already in the office, answering my mails.. ;p

It's a work day for me...

...it's been awhile...

it's been awhile..
and we've been like strangers to each other..
it hurts to see you around..
it pains not to get to talk to you,
smile at you, hold you..
just like before..

i've been coping up..
trying to be strong enough,
not to mind your presence,
treat you as inexistent in my life..

i miss the days,
i miss the laughters,
i miss the conversations,
i miss the fun,
i miss the love...
i miss everything...
about you, about us...

sometimes i think,
what if i wasn't brave enough,
brave enough to accept the fact,
that there was something wrong in us..
that it's better to let go..
would it have been fixed?

i wanted to keep it,
i wanted to keep you,
but i can't find enough reasons to...

thank you..
for everything...
for the love,
for the trust,
for the care,
for the fun,
for the time,
for the dreams,
for the moments,
for the learnings,

you'll always be in my heart...

...my heart speaking...

I've met you, on the 11th of October 05..
For few months prior that, I've been watching you play your games in the court..
I've been secretly hoping you'd notice me..

And meeting you, was a very memorable day.
On an instant I knew you were special to me.

Friendship bloomed.
Admiration... to Love.

27th of March 06, we became an 'us'...

Everyday with you, I considered heaven..

I almost left for the US,
But I wanted to be here..
With you.
Good thing it didn't push through..

We survived,
In a new world here..
We lived a new life,
Far different back in college..

We've had problems, challenges,
Mistakes...
Small ones, to major matters..
We stood by each other,
Supported...

We lived happily, and contented,
As I thought we were..

Then, came her...
I thought hell came over.

Everything was ruined.
Everything was gone.

Love, Trust...
You...

I called everything off,
But realized can't live without you...

I needed you back...
You wanted me back...
I accepted you back...

Holidays, it was nice...
Didn't thought it would be our last...

Then we're back,
To our former life
To the past,

Pain refreshed...
All coming back,
Realized,
I'm not over it,
Still hurting,
And I can't live with it any longer..
I can't trust..

Jan 07, 2007...
I decided, I'm done...
I want this to stop.
And that was the end..

That was what I thought..

I was okay with my life...
I've moved on,
I was happy...
I've lived a new life,
Away, and apart from you..

We met new people...

Then came you,
And by July,
I took the risk,
To have you back again,
I knew, I loved you,
I still loved you..
I was happy,
Initially..

We were okay,
Perhaps, we assumed we were okay...

Then you've been acting strange,
Or to say,
You were becoming a stranger,

I don't see you,
I can't feel you,
I'm missing your love...
I'm missing my hon..

Then an incident broke the silence.
Yes, there is a problem.
There had been a problem..
That we've been blinding ourselves with..

Space was needed,
To think, to find one's self..

I've been trying to look for signs,
That you, are still there, that you are still mine...
But all I feel and see, is emptiness...
You're gone.

End of year 2007...
Became the end of the relationship that we had..

The decision to find ourselves,
Ended up, finding out that we needed to be end this...

A relationship isn't only built on love..
But also in trust..companionship..
And both, should grow, and mature in it..

But we've drifted apart...

Any 3rd parties involved?
None.
As far as I know, and wouldn't want to know - none.

All I know is, I needed to grow up for now,
And you too..

I wanted out..
and I know,
This is what is needed,
If this is right..
I don't know..
But I've prayed to Him,
To guide me in my decision...

I loved you, so much...
And I'm happy, coz'
I know I've made you feel that..

You recently told me..
That you're sorry for giving me mostly pain...
And I told you,
I loved you, and I don't have regrets loving you..
Pain was part of it..
The more I withstood those hurtful moments..
The more I'm strengthened the love I had in you..

Only this time,
It's different...
My heart is tired...
I just want to be freed...
I want to grow, mature...
I won't rush on love...
True Love waits, as my bestfriend always say.

Last words..
I know, I had my own share of mistakes,
misgivings...
I'm sincerely sorry...

I love you,
sabi nga nila, masyado kitang minahal ...
Heck, true enough.

I just needed to let go this time..

Thank You.

Goodbye to "us".